It all started last Monday. I usually bring Dexter to daycare - a home daycare, run by C, halfway between our house and my work. Of course, this means it is about 3.5 minutes away from each (when traffic is slow!). Dexter is there with C's 2 year old and 3 month old - who is exactly 2 weeks younger than Dexter.
So, on this particular Monday I brought Dexter to daycare. I hauled in the bags and the carseat with my 20 pounder, set it all down, talked with C and got ready to leave. Here's usually the moment when I hand Dexter off and say goodbye, and then make my way to work. He is usually all dazed from his catnap in the car on the way over. That day as I handed him off, C said (as usual) "Are you ready to play Dexter?" and his face cracked into a wide smile and he waved his arms all around. He was happy to be there - practically elated. It took me a moment to realize it, and as I left it felt kind of weird that he was so happy to be somewhere other than with me. It didn't exactly hurt, but it didn't feel awesome either.
Today, I stopped by to feed him at 11am, like I always do. (One of the positives of working so close!) He was in kind of a tired mood - not cranky, but not laughing a lot either. When I brought him back out to C, he was chill - until she looked at him and started talking. She got a smile, but I didn't.
I know that he loves me (well, as much as he can grasp right now, in any case!). And I know she's not undermining me or anything, but it is still kind of hard to see how happy he is with someone other than Joel and I. I knew even before I got pregnant that I couldn't be a stay at home mom. Even taking away any financial aspects of me having a job, I just am not the kind of person who would enjoy staying home. I enjoy my job. I'm pretty good at my job. And I feel like I need my job for my sanity. But it is kind of difficult to see that there are other people in Dexter's life. It's definitely good that he likes it there, and I'd hate for him to cry when he goes there. But does he have to be quite so happy about it?
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